Are the Voices in Your Head Treating You Badly?

~by Haley Lynn Gray~

 

“You’ll never make any money”, “You’re fat”, “And Dumb” are just a few of the things that the voices in my head have said to me at various points. I could go on, but I’m pretty sure you get the idea. 

Why is it that we allow the voices in our heads to treat us in a way that nobody else in our lives is allowed to? It would be called abuse if anyone else said the same things, so why do we do it to ourselves?

We all have those doubts going through our heads. I have plenty of them. Mine are pretty vicious, but in talking to other female entrepreneurs, mine aren’t any better or worse than theirs. In fact, my little voices say just about the same things that their voices do. 

So, how do you deal with those nasty, vicious little voices?

I won’t lie and tell you that there is a perfect remedy to shut them up for good. Duck tape isn’t going to work, and you can’t just stuff a gag in that little voice’s mouth either.

The first thing you need to do is understand what you’re doing to yourself. If you don’t recognize it happening, you can’t do anything about it. Knowledge is power.

So, now that you know you’re doing it, and recognize when it happens, what are the things that trigger those nasty little voices? Do you know what your triggers are?  What things you do that set them off? Do you notice whether they’re worse when you’re tired or hungry?

I find that I can deal with the negative voices much more effectively when I eat and get adequate sleep. 

Certain activities, like making cold calls, also set off the voices, so I know to schedule those activities when I’m not hungry or tired.

If you hear those inner voices screaming, and you find yourself hitting the wall, stop and ask what’s going on. Understand what they’re screaming about and why. If you’re challenging yourself, that could be a reason; it’s a big, scary world out there and our inner selves are frightened. 

Another trick I use when dealing with the voices is to rephrase them. I take a moment to think, and then rephrase the comment in a positive manner. So, I take something like, “You’re never going to be successful at this”, to something like, “I am an amazing success at this”.

I even rewrite some of the phrases and put them on sticky notes all over my office so that I see them, and then read and repeat them regularly. They do such wonders for my mood and my confidence. 

It’s not always peachy over here, but by working through what the voices are saying, and being aware of when they start talking and what triggers them, I’ve come a long way.

 


Meet the Author: Haley Lynn Gray

Haley helps female entrepreneurs create a strategy plan for their businesses – so they can make enough money to spend quality time with their family, pay for their children’s dance lessons, pay bills – and not worry about where the next client is coming from.

Haley is a serial entrepreneur and founder of Leadership Girl. She helps other entrepreneurs build their businesses by sharing the benefits of her business education and experience through Business Coaching.

Whether you want to get a new business off the ground or expand an existing business, Haley can assist you.

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6 Comments

  1. farhasyeddesign | | Reply

    Great post Haley. Yes it really takes a an effort to tell yourself – not to pay heed to such voices and or think the opposite of what it tells you. Have been working on it and find myself in a better place – comfortable in my own skin -if you will. But getting better. We’re all amazing and we need to believe that.

    • Haley Gray | | Reply

      Absolutely- We have to be aware of the stories that we’re telling ourselves.

  2. Ilka Flood | | Reply

    I do the same thing, rephrase the negative with a positive thought. I also used a rubber-band on my wrist in the past. Every time a negative thought entered my mind, I pulled it. Very helpful!!

    • Haley Gray | | Reply

      Yes! It works well. Some reinforcement, and being aware of what we’re thinking is SO important.

  3. LeiScheidell | | Reply

    Those voices can certainly be tricky to deal with but we are more confident when we address these and put them in check. Achieiving personal development has helped me the most in learning how to cope. Very helpful, thank you!

    • Haley Gray | | Reply

      Yes. It’s interesting how we will not tolerate that kind of behavior from friends, and YET, we will totally do it to ourselves. Things that make you go Hmm….

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