~by Maria Marc~
Although change is something natural, in progress, and necessary for life, most people don’t like it. But what would life be without change?
Probably boredom, stagnation, and ultimately extinction!
We all face changes many times during our life’s journey. The longer we live, the more changes we’ll face.
If you want to create change in one’s life (client, partner, family member), here are a few facts to better understand the alchemy of change:
- The way we feel and the way we behave are the only things that can be changed.
- People usually try to avoid pain, gain pleasure, or both.
- There are four ways we can classify our survival needs: the need for security, the need for variety, the need for significance, and the need for love and connection.
- We meet these needs by behaving in certain ways through a mix of physiology, what we say to others and ourselves, what we believe in, and what we focus on.
- People who lack the survival needs mentioned above end up engaging in crimes and other evil behaviors.
Having clarity about our needs help us gain clarity about the steps we need to take in order to change.
How to understand someone else’s needs?
- Look at what drives them; analyze their survival needs.
- Ask them or help them understand their needs.
- Observe their fuel of choice: how they move, what they say, what they believe in, what they focus on.
Now let’s look inwards:
1. What are your top two needs?
2. What are the drivers that meet them?
3. What do you need to change on a psychological level (emotion or behavior)?
4. How do you meet those needs by not changing?
5. How will you meet your needs at a higher level when you ultimately make the change?
It is important to understand that transformation does not happen overnight. Our mental programing is holding us back, and into certain habits and behaviors.
Diligence, patience and determination are essential to create successful lasting change.
The process of change happens in various stages that are important to understand:
- Let Go of things, habits, behaviors, people that no longer serve you.
- Embrace Transition with its emptiness and uncertainty. Do something that makes you feel in control, evaluate your previous decisions, think bigger and bolder, take charge of your life, accept that this is an awkward stage.
- Start Anew. Be patient as you embrace a new situation or a new identity, learn the skills, habits, and behaviors associated with the new, avoid old habits, and look at opportunities with fresh eyes.
As Lao Tzu said, “If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.”
Meet the Author: Maria Marc
Maria recently launched her own consulting practice, www.OptimummCoaching.com, through which she offers support in the areas of organizational change, continuous improvement and career transition.
Learn more about Maria: http://leadershipgirl.com/about-maria-marc/
Maria is a regular contributor for Leadership Girl.