~by Haley Lynn Gray~
It’s said that power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Most of us believe we’d be the exception. We know right from wrong. We know what we stand for. If we were ever handed real authority over other people, we’re sure we’d use it well.
Almost everyone believes that. Which is exactly why it’s worth paying attention to.
What the research says
The psychologist Dacher Keltner at the University of California, Berkeley has spent years studying what power does to people. His conclusion, laid out in his book The Power Paradox, is uncomfortable.
People tend to gain power by being good with others — attentive, collaborative, empathetic. And then, once they have it, those same qualities tend to erode. People with power become more impulsive, less attentive to how others feel, and more likely to act in their own interest.
In other words, the traits that got you trusted with authority are the traits that authority quietly wears away. Not because you’ve become a bad person. Because power changes what you notice.
What it looks like
You don’t have to look far to see it. Most of us have worked for someone who took a promotion as permission to be a little meaner, a little more demanding, a little less willing to listen.
I see it with clients, too. Paying for a service can go to someone’s head in exactly the same way. They start bossing people around, become more and more entitled, and eventually treat the people they’ve hired as though they own them. A paying client is not entitled to every hour of your life, however large the invoice.
And I’ve seen it many times in healthcare. Doctors hold enormous power over their patients, and some let it shape how they listen. As a woman, I’ve been questioned, dismissed and ignored — and told to lose more weight, whatever I’d actually come in about.
I don’t think that’s unusual. Researchers have found repeatedly that women’s reports of pain and symptoms are more likely to be taken less seriously than men’s. Weight bias in medical settings is well documented, too. When a patient asks questions, it isn’t because she’s stupid or challenging anyone’s authority. She’s trying to build a picture of what’s happening to her own body, so she can make good decisions about it.
That’s the dark side of leadership. When you hold someone’s livelihood, health or future in your hands, the power difference can quietly convince you that your view is the only one that matters.
Why good people fall into it
Nobody tells you the truth any more. The more power you have, the more people agree with you, laugh at your jokes and soften their bad news. Your picture of reality gets rosier than reality is.
Success feels like proof. When things go well, it’s tempting to conclude you’re right about everything. That’s precisely when you stop checking.
It feels good. Power is a pleasant feeling. It can go to your head like a drug, and the more you enjoy it, the less you want to examine it.
How to keep your head
Distrust your own good run. I’ve learned that every time I start to think I’m doing really well, I need to step back and look for what I’m doing wrong. The more certain I am that everything’s right, the more likely something isn’t.
Keep people around who will tell you no. A peer, an adviser, a friend who doesn’t work for you. Leaders get isolated from honest feedback, and it takes deliberate effort to stay connected to it.
Watch how you treat people who can’t push back. How you treat people with no power over you is the clearest measure of what power is doing to you.
Ask how it looks from the other side. Before you ask someone to do something that benefits you, consider how it’s perceived. If you wouldn’t be comfortable having it described out loud, don’t ask.
Treat questions as information, not challenges. Whether it’s an employee, a client or a patient, someone asking “why?” is usually trying to understand, not to undermine you.
The short version
Power feels amazing. That’s the danger.
It doesn’t turn good people bad overnight. It slowly narrows what they notice. The fix is to keep deliberately widening it — with honest people around you, humility when things go well, and real attention to the people who have less power than you do.
Watch it. Don’t let power get to your head.
