~by Haley Lynn Gray~
I cried more tears that year than in the previous twenty combined.
It was a really rough year. My father died. My aunt died. And my beloved cat of more than twenty-one years died too.
Life isn’t always rainbows and roses. Sometimes it really hurts. That’s allowed. Life has ups and downs, death is a natural part of it, and so is grieving.
Leaders cry too
My family saw me cry, and I cried with them over what we’d lost. I cried with my cousins over the loss of their mother.
I think it matters that people see that. It tells them it’s okay to cry and to grieve. Why shouldn’t it be?
Leaders cry too — not because they’re weak, but because they’re human, and strong enough not to be afraid of looking it.
As I approached my first Christmas without either of my parents, I was struck by how desolate it felt, and how truly a piece of me was missing. That’s grief. It isn’t that I grieved all the time. I celebrated plenty of things too. But I gave myself time to stop, and to remember.
If you’re leading while grieving
Give yourself time to grieve.
We all have these things going on, whether anyone else can see them or not. They can all be painful. Life happens, and it’s real — and pretending it isn’t doesn’t make it hurt less. It just makes it harder to carry.
A few things I’d say to anyone running a business or leading a team through a loss:
- Expect less of yourself for a while. Grief affects concentration, energy and patience. That’s normal, not a failing. Plan for your lowest capacity, not your highest.
- Put off big decisions where you can. If something major can wait a few months, let it.
- Tell the people who need to know. Your team, your key clients. You don’t owe anyone the details, but a short “I’ve had a loss in the family and may be slower than usual” spares everyone guessing.
- Let people help. Accepting help is hard for people who are used to being the one others lean on. Do it anyway.
- Grief isn’t a straight line. Some days are fine. Then an ordinary moment catches you completely off guard. That’s how it works.
And when it’s someone on your team
Everyone who works for you will go through something like this eventually. How you respond will be remembered long after anything else you do as their boss.
Give them time. Lighten the load where you can. Don’t make them feel they have to perform being fine. And check in again weeks later, when everyone else has moved on and they’re still in it.
Because leaders cry too — and so does everyone else.
If grief ever becomes something you can’t find your way through — weeks turning into months without any lifting — please talk to your doctor or a grief counsellor. That’s not weakness. It’s getting the support you’d want anyone you care about to have.
