There’s a distinction that explains a great deal about why some capable women advance and others don’t, and it’s usually summarised in one line: a mentor talks to you. A sponsor talks about you.
Carla Harris, a senior Morgan Stanley banker, has spent years making this point: advice is useful, but somebody has to be in the room spending their own credibility on your behalf.
The research behind it
In 2010, Herminia Ibarra and colleagues published an analysis in the Harvard Business Review asking why men were still being promoted more often than equally qualified women. Their answer was uncomfortable: women were being mentored more than men, and sponsored less.
Plenty of people were willing to give women advice. Far fewer were willing to put their own name behind them.
That’s the gap. And it persists because the two things cost completely different amounts. Giving advice costs an hour. Sponsoring someone means attaching your reputation to theirs — and if they fail, you look like someone with poor judgement.
What this means when you own the business
Most writing on sponsorship assumes a corporate hierarchy: a senior executive putting you forward for a promotion. If you run your own business, none of that applies.
But sponsorship absolutely does. It just looks different:
- A referral. Someone tells a client “you should talk to her” — and their relationship with that client is now partly riding on you.
- An introduction. Not “you two should connect,” but an actual email that explains why you’re worth the other person’s time.
- A recommendation for the slot. The speaking engagement, the panel, the podcast, the contract they were asked about and passed to you.
- Being named in a room you’re not in. Which is where most of the work in business actually gets allocated.
Mentorship helps you get better. Sponsorship gets you the work. You need both, and most women in business have far more of the first.
How to earn sponsorship
Nobody sponsors you because you asked nicely. They sponsor you because doing so is safe and easy.
Be reliable, visibly. The reason sponsorship is rationed isn’t stinginess — it’s risk. Someone who does what they said, when they said is someone whose name a sponsor can say out loud without worrying.
Be specific about what you do. “I help small businesses with marketing” is unreferrable. “I build marketing systems for law firms” tells someone exactly when to think of you. Vagueness is the single biggest reason people who like you never refer you.
Be visible enough to be remembered. A sponsor can only name you if you come to mind at the right moment. That’s what visibility is actually for — not applause, but being the person who springs to mind when someone asks “who do you know who…”
Make it effortless. Give people the sentence. “If you ever hear someone say X, I’d love an introduction.” You’ve just written their referral for them.
And close the loop. When someone refers you, tell them what happened. Nothing encourages a second referral like hearing the first one went well — and nothing kills it faster than silence.
How to ask for it
“Will you be my mentor?” is a big, vague request that most people quietly dread. Sponsorship is easier to ask for, because it’s specific.
Try: “Who do you know who might need this?” Or: “I’m trying to get in front of more [specific kind of client] — is there anyone you’d introduce me to?” Or, directly: “If you hear of a speaking slot on this topic, would you put my name forward?”
Each is a small, concrete request with an obvious yes or no. That’s much easier to grant than an open-ended relationship.
Where to find both
For business owners, sponsors rarely come from above — they come from sideways. Other owners, past clients, suppliers, people in your industry who see your work.
Research on women’s networks found that women benefit from a close circle of other women who pass along the information and opportunities that never get advertised. That’s sponsorship in practice, and it’s a large part of why peer communities matter so much.
Then do it for someone else
The last part matters most, because sponsorship is the thing women get least of and can most easily give.
Name another woman when you’re asked for a recommendation. Pass on the enquiry you can’t take. Introduce two people properly, with a reason. Say someone’s name in a room she isn’t in.
It costs you a little credibility each time, which is precisely why it’s worth something — and why receiving it changes what’s possible.
