~by Haley Lynn Gray~
Here’s an experiment. Think about how often you’ve noticed what a male colleague was wearing to work. For me the answer is close to zero.
Now think about how often you’ve noticed another woman’s outfit, hair, shoes or figure. That number is not close to zero — and I include myself in this, which is rather the point.
What the scrutiny costs
It takes up time and money. Women spend considerably more of both on being appropriately presented at work, and the standard is vaguer and shifts more often.
It’s a no-win. Too formal, too casual, too flashy, too plain, too young, trying too hard. Every option is available for criticism, which tells you the criticism isn’t really about clothes.
And it displaces the actual assessment. A woman remembered for what she wore is frequently not remembered for what she said.
I’ve watched how differently the same qualifications land in a different body, so I’d argue this is the same machinery in a milder form.
The part we do to each other
This is where it becomes worth writing about, because a good deal of the scrutiny is women watching women.
It comes out as a compliment, a raised eyebrow, a remark afterwards. Sometimes it’s competitive, sometimes anxious — checking your own standing by measuring someone else’s.
It’s the same instinct that turns parenting choices into a scoreboard, and it’s just as unhelpful. Women receive little enough support in business as it is.
What I’d rather we did
Notice the urge and let it pass. You don’t have to have an opinion about another woman’s blazer.
Compliment the work. “That was a strong presentation” is always safe. “You look great today” implies a comparison with yesterday.
And if you manage people, watch what you comment on. Remarks about a woman’s appearance from someone who controls her pay are never neutral, however kindly meant.
On the practical question
Yes, dressing appropriately still matters — people form impressions quickly and unfairly, and it would be dishonest to pretend otherwise.
So dress in a way that lets people concentrate on what you’re saying: fits properly, suits the room, comfortable enough to forget. Then stop thinking about it, because the returns to further effort are small and the time is worth more elsewhere.
And extend the same courtesy outward. The most useful thing you can do about the scrutiny is decline to add to it.
