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~by Maria Marc~

Up until recently, I did not know what negotiation really was. I saw it as adversarial and as something to avoid. I’ve learned that in fact it’s a great problem-solving tool that can create value for the parties involved. Ultimately, it can drastically improve our lives.

In one of my previous posts I addressed the ‘how’ of negotiation.

Now let’s look into how we can build a solid bridge between the interior self and the exterior world of negotiation.

Inner work is something we tend to ignore, believing it is not important. In fact, it is the core foundation of our strength. So, how can we get what we truly want while trying to satisfy the needs and wants of others in our lives? Our families, our friends, our colleagues, our clients, our partner!

William Ury (2015), well known expert in negotiation, starts from the premise that, ‘The better we are able to get to yes with ourselves, the better we will be able to get to yes with others’.

We might not have control over our life, but we have control over our choices.

To better prepare for negotiation and any daily challenge, Ury (2015) suggests a six-step inner ‘Yes’ method we can practice daily:

  1. Step in your own shoes. Observe your thoughts and feelings without judging. Are there any underlying needs your feelings might point to? What do you really need?  
  2. Develop your inner self-responsibility. Instead of blaming others because your needs have not been met, commit to take care of your deepest needs in any case.
  3. Change your outlook on life. Say yes to your life as it is. How can you make your own happiness today?
  4. Live in the now. Let go of resentments about the past and anxieties about the future. What is the one small step you can take to live in the now, where you are at your best?
  5. Respect others even if they don’t show you respect. What would it be like to be in their shoes? Can you still respect them?
  6. Give and receive. Let go the fear of scarcity. What will it take for you to change the game from taking to giving, and from win-loss to win-win?

Understanding these steps can help you get what you want, but it takes practice. No one can do the work for you.

‘The work on ourselves inspires us to imagine and to work towards a world in which every single human being matters’ (Ury, 2015).

Winning the Game of Life – The Other Side of Negotiation! 1

Maria Marc

Meet the Author: Maria Marc  

Maria recently launched her own consulting practice, www.OptimummCoaching.com, through which she offers support in the areas of organizational change, continuous improvement and career transition.

Learn more about Maria: https://leadershipgirl.com/about-maria-marc/

Maria is a regular contributor for Leadership Girl.