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Here are some signs that you might be a working parent:

  1. You use your sick and vacation time all on the kids’ sick days.
  2. Your professional wardrobe selections are made based on their ability to hide various shades of slime (Patterns=good).
  3. You have ever had to mute yourself on a conference call because the kids were crying/screaming in the background.
  4. Coming in to work is quieter than being at home.
  5. Sometimes going to the bathroom at work is better than at home, because you get to go by yourself, and have some privacy.
  6. You have ever hidden chocolate in your office, because the kids can’t get to it there.
  7. It seems novel to hold a conversation that does not involve bodily functions.

What are your signs that you’re a parent who works outside the home?