~by Haley Lynn Gray~
It is remarkably easy to look at someone and decide you know what they’re like.
The research on this is uncomfortable reading. Studies have found a measurable earnings premium for taller men, and a corresponding penalty for people carrying extra weight — particularly women. Assumptions get made about working mothers: that they care less about their children, or need the income less than a man would.
None of that is about ability. It’s about what people conclude before any evidence arrives.
I’ve been on both sides of this
I can speak to it directly, because I’ve lived in two different bodies and been treated as two different people.
At 427 pounds, people assumed a great deal about me. About how I thought. About how I felt. About how disciplined I was, how capable I was, and what I must be doing wrong.
Since losing half that weight, something interesting has happened. I’ve become — by general consensus, without any change to my qualifications, my experience or my opinions — more socially acceptable. Cuter. Somehow more articulate. Apparently smarter.
I’m the same person. I have the same MBA, the same businesses, the same ideas. What changed was the packaging and, with it, how much credit people extend before I’ve said anything.
People also comment now on how “bubbly” I am. That’s an interesting perception too, and not one anyone offered before.
Why this matters in business
Because judgements get made about you constantly, and they affect real things: whether you’re taken seriously in the meeting, whether your price is questioned, whether your expertise is assumed or has to be proven.
And the flip side matters more, because it’s the part you control: you’re doing it to other people too.
Every hiring decision, every supplier choice, every judgement about whether someone is “a good fit” is an opportunity to mistake your assumptions for information. Research on hiring shows that unstructured interviews — where you form an impression and then look for reasons — predict performance poorly, largely because they measure how comfortable the interviewer feels.
What to do about the assumptions people make about you
Know they’re happening, and don’t absorb them. Someone deciding you’re not capable is information about them. It only becomes information about you if you start believing it.
Lead with evidence where you can. Numbers, results and specifics are harder to dismiss than impressions.
Don’t try to become the assumption. Trying to look like what people expect of a leader is a losing game, and a tiring one.
And notice who gives you a fair hearing. Those are the clients, colleagues and partners worth keeping.
And the assumptions you make
Structure your decisions. Same questions for every candidate, scored against what the job needs. It’s less comfortable and considerably more accurate.
Notice when you’re certain about someone you’ve just met. Speed is the tell. Real judgement takes evidence; assumption is instant.
Ask instead of concluding. Most confident readings of another person are simply wrong, and one question would have revealed it.
The short version
People will decide who you are before you open your mouth, and appearance does more of that work than anyone likes to admit.
You can’t stop it. You can refuse to believe it about yourself — and you can make sure you’re not quietly doing it to everyone you meet.
