I recently picked up the book “I Don’t Know How She Does It” by Allison Pearson. After just a couple of chapters, I found myself putting it back down, feeling more annoyed than entertained. In one of the first chapters, the protagonist is up until the wee hours of the morning trying to make store-bought pies look homemade. As I read this, I couldn’t help but wonder, why pretend to be something she’s not?
This scene got me thinking about how many women I know—myself included, at times—who spend a significant amount of time trying to pretend to be something they’re not. There’s this pervasive, ridiculous notion that women need to be perfect at everything. The ideal woman is supposed to be an incredible baker, a talented homemaker, a craft whiz, and someone who can handle a set of tools while seamlessly taking care of her kids and excelling at a full-time job.
It’s an impossible standard, and yet so many women are still trying to live up to it. And I can’t help but ask, why? What is the real point of pretending to be amazing at something you hate or simply aren’t interested in? Not everyone loves to cook, sew, or keep an immaculate home. Not everyone is good at these things, and that’s perfectly okay. It doesn’t make someone less of a person, and it certainly doesn’t make them a bad person.
The Myth of the “Perfect Woman”
The myth of the perfect woman is one that society has been perpetuating for a long time. We see it in movies, in books, in social media—the ideal woman who can do it all without ever breaking a sweat. She’s the one with the perfectly organized home, the beautifully decorated cupcakes for every school event, and the ability to juggle work, family, and personal life without missing a beat.
But let’s be real—that woman doesn’t exist. Or, if she does, she’s likely sacrificing something important—her sleep, her mental health, her happiness—to keep up that illusion of perfection. The reality is that no one can do it all, all of the time. Trying to live up to that ideal is not only exhausting, but it’s also a recipe for burnout and disappointment.
Yet, so many of us are still caught in the trap of trying to do everything perfectly. We put unnecessary pressure on ourselves to excel at things we may not even enjoy, just because we feel it’s expected of us. But the truth is, perfection is not required, and pretending to be perfect at everything doesn’t make us better—it makes us tired, stressed, and disconnected from what truly matters.
The Freedom in Being Who You Are
I spend a lot of time making a point of being exactly who I am. I am good at some things, and not so good at others. I may decide one day to be Betty Crocker and bake cookies from scratch, and the next day, I may be completely allergic to the kitchen because I have more pressing matters to attend to. Frankly, when my back is against the wall, and I’m dealing with yet another family emergency, that pie from Scratch Bakery in Durham tastes just as good as one I could have spent three hours slaving over.
Sure, there may not be the same satisfaction that comes with saying, “I made this myself,” but it still tastes delicious, and it was one less thing I had to stress about. And honestly, that’s what matters. The pie serves its purpose—it brings joy, it tastes good, and it allows me to focus my energy where it’s truly needed.
This is the kind of mindset I want to pass on to my children. I want them to see that there are many different ways to approach a situation, and that the right approach depends on the circumstances at that particular moment. Sometimes, it’s worth putting in the time and effort to bake from scratch. Other times, buying something from the store is just as good. Neither choice is wrong, and neither makes you any less capable or worthy.
Why We Should Let Go of Pretending
Letting go of the need to pretend to be perfect is liberating. It allows us to focus on what really matters—our relationships, our well-being, and the things we’re truly passionate about. There is no sense in pretending to be good at everything or to love everything, especially when it’s at the cost of our own happiness and peace of mind.
I’ve learned that embracing authenticity—being unapologetically myself—is far more rewarding than trying to fit into some unrealistic mold of perfection. It’s not worth the energy, time, or stress to pretend otherwise. And when we let go of that need to pretend, we not only free ourselves, but we also set a powerful example for our children and those around us.
My kids don’t need to see a mom who is perfect at everything. They need to see a mom who is real—someone who knows her strengths, who isn’t afraid to admit her weaknesses, and who makes choices that are right for her and her family, regardless of what others may think. They need to see that sometimes, the best use of our time is to let go of the small stuff, to choose the simpler option, and to focus on what truly matters.
The Impact on Our Children
By occasionally buying pies or sending store-bought cookies to school, I’m showing my children that there are different ways to get things done. I’m showing them that it’s okay to take shortcuts when you need to, and that it doesn’t make you any less capable or worthy. I’m showing them that perfection isn’t the goal—balance, happiness, and authenticity are.
I want my children to grow up understanding that they don’t have to be perfect at everything. They don’t have to pretend to love something they don’t, or be good at something just because it’s expected of them. I want them to know that they have the freedom to choose where they invest their time and energy, and that their worth isn’t defined by their ability to meet some arbitrary standard of perfection.
Making the Best Use of Our Time
At the end of the day, we all have limited time and energy. We have to decide how to spend it in a way that brings the most value to our lives and the lives of those we care about. Spending hours baking a pie from scratch when you’re already overwhelmed may not be the best use of your time—and that’s okay. It doesn’t make you a failure or a bad parent. It makes you human.
The truth is, a lot of the things we stress about are just silly stuff. Whether the pie is homemade or store-bought, whether the cookies are from your kitchen or the grocery store—none of that defines who you are or how much you care about your family. What matters is that you show up, that you love, and that you make choices that allow you to be the best version of yourself for the people who matter most.
Letting Go of Unrealistic Expectations
So, I say it’s time to let go of the unrealistic expectations. Let’s stop pretending to be something we’re not. Let’s stop trying to be perfect at everything, and instead, focus on being authentically ourselves. Let’s teach our children that there are many different ways to approach life, and that none of them are wrong. Let’s show them that it’s okay to take shortcuts, to ask for help, and to choose simplicity when it’s what we need.
Life is too short to waste time pretending. It’s too short to spend our energy on things that don’t truly matter. So, let’s embrace who we are, with all our strengths and weaknesses, and let’s make choices that bring joy, balance, and authenticity to our lives. After all, that’s what truly makes us strong—not our ability to be perfect, but our ability to be real.
