~by Haley Lynn Gray~
I picked up Allison Pearson’s I Don’t Know How She Does It and put it down again after a couple of chapters, more irritated than entertained.
Early on, the protagonist is up in the small hours battering shop-bought mince pies to make them look homemade. My reaction was immediate: why pretend to be something you’re not?
It’s a novel, and the scene is meant to be recognisable rather than admirable. It’s recognisable because a great many women genuinely do this.
What the pretending costs
The hours. Time spent constructing an impression is time not spent on the business, the children, or sleep.
The standard it sets. Every woman who makes it look effortless raises the bar for the next one, who now also has to appear to have baked.
And the isolation. If your visible life is edited, nobody can offer help you’ve made clear you don’t need. The polished version is lonely by design.
Where this shows up in business
The mince pies have professional equivalents, and they’re expensive ones.
Pretending to be bigger than you are. “Our team” meaning you and a contractor. It’s a common instinct, and clients frequently prefer knowing exactly who they’re dealing with.
Pretending to have expertise you lack. “Yes, we do that” for something you’ve never done. Overstating what you can deliver is how churn and refunds begin.
Pretending everything’s fine. In a bad quarter, saying nothing to your team so nobody worries — which produces a team that finds out late and trusts you less.
And pretending the work was easy. Underselling the effort behind good work teaches clients it should cost less.
What to do instead
Buy the pies and put them on a plate. Nobody’s life improves because you got up at two.
Be accurate about size. Small is an advantage for plenty of clients — you’re accessible, and they’re dealing with the decision-maker.
Say what you don’t do. “That’s not my area, but I know someone” builds more trust than a stretched yes ever will.
And let people see the working. People follow leaders they can see — the reasoning, the occasional error, the actual process.
The exception worth naming
Authenticity isn’t an excuse for poor standards. The work should be excellent, the deadlines met, the invoices accurate.
The distinction is between quality and performance. Do the work properly. Don’t manufacture an impression of how effortlessly it was done.
Shop-bought is fine. Put it on a nice plate and get some sleep.
